Fake things are everywhere these days. People, CD's, handbags, body parts, etc. Most of them, I can live with. In fact, some of these things make life a more pleasurable ordeal (where would humanity be without silicone?).

But with enough experience and what the locals like to call "common sense", there are some fake things that we'd do well to stay away from - like cosmetics and beauty products.

Honestly, it doesn't take a genius to deduce that what you put on your face (whoa, getting a little specific here) shouldnt come from a stranger selling things out of his trenchcoat in a dodgy back-alley with mysterious ingredients like Chemical X. Unless your face is as thick and resilient as the surface of a WWII tank, I'm pretty sure slapping on fake creams and dreams isn't going to help much.

There are plenty of fake beauty products out there and there are fake beauty product buyers because we all want to believe that a jar of La Mer can cost as much as a bowl of cendol. It doesn't and it never will.

Take for instance these beauty masks I've been using for awhile - My Beauty Diary masks. These masks are pretty good and I can tell my skin has improved slightly with regular use. Where do I get my stash of masks from? Guardian pharmacy. Are they expensive? I still can't believe I'm buying them.


These masks cost RM48 for a box of 10. That's RM4.80 per mask if you're not mathematically inclined. It's not too bad depending on how you look at it. I would love it if the masks were cheaper, but what I'm also paying for at RM48 is peace of mind. I can at least sleep soundly at night (after putting the mask on and imagining I'm transforming into a swan) that what I paid for is the original My Beauty Diary mask, and not a fake with unknown ingredients and unpredictable results.

At first, I wanted to get my supply of masks from the place where dreams come true - Lowyat.Net. The My Beauty Diary masks being sold on the forums were insanely cheap and I almost had a nose bleed looking through all the possible options and different sellers. And I mean those babies were cheap! Some threads were selling these masks for as cheap as RM1.80 per mask!

And that I think, is the first thing that should set off alarm bells in your head. Why is the mask so cheap? Ok, it would make sense if these sellers reassured us that they get their stocks directly from the supplier in Taiwan, but I'm pretty much a skeptic because I would say such things if I wanted to hawk fake goods at overly-eager ladies. Some sellers were selling their masks at around RM2.50 which sounds more believable, but who am I to know for sure?


Save yourself the headache and get things like that from trusted and reliable places like pharmacies and shops like Sasa. Twice the price, but worth the relief.

Now I've been to a few pasar malam's (night markets) and have seen tons of stalls selling what looks like My Beauty Diary masks. Now here's where I judge people on how stupid and gullible they are.

Those My Beauty Diary masks in the pasar malam? They're all going for RM1 EACH. 10 masks for RM10 ok, how do you beat that?? By having more than half a brain.

I am frustrated to admit that I have friends who've told me they've purchased such masks from the pasar malam before, with no adverse reaction to their skin after using it. Maybe they got lucky, I don't know. My skin is not something I would close my eyes and cross my fingers with.

But what makes me turn in my imaginary grave is how such friends react when I tell them that those products they're buying are 101% fake. Reasoning with me that "The pasar malam aunty told me they're original," kinda makes me suspect that my friends might be foreign spies who are obviously not from Malaysia. Please tell me that you can't be that naive. Things like the labelling, small irregularities in the logo and quality of the packaging are helpful to look at.

Nothing sold in the pasar malam is original (referring to famous brands). My goodness I can't believe I have to actually tell people that.

Another popular fake product is M.A.C. cosmetics. Seriously, who are they kidding? I've seen tons of fake M.A.C. products at the pasar malam and I don't even bother giving those a second glance. If I want something as expensive as M.A.C., I'll damn well save up and get the original from a proper M.A.C. outlet! *coughs* Like so *coughs*

Counterfeit M.A.C. products are getting harder and harder to spot, but your best tool would be Google. Honestly, just Google the product and see if it really exists either on the official M.A.C. website, or on blog reviews. Their products are pretty distinctive and with all the packaging being mostly black, it's a pretty easy thing to dupe. Things like serial numbers instead of individual product names and collections, palettes which have too many shades and basically a deal that's too good to be true is a sure-fire way of telling that it's a fake.


This website for example, is selling products that are so obviously fake M.A.C. cosmetics, it's a wonder they had the audacity to even put it up. None of those products exist. A whole palette of eyeshadows for the price of 1 original M.A.C. eyeshadow? Pull the other leg please.


There are a lot more different beauty products being sold at a fraction of the price with zero quality. Just Google "How to spot fake [insert product name]" and you'll get a lot more help and knowledge on how you can avoid all this.

But if you need to Google how to spot a fake beauty product, it means you were already contemplating buying it from a less than 100% guaranteed source. Stay away from the dark side!!

P.S. Some useful guides on how to spot fake M.A.C. cosmetics here and how to spot fake My Beauty Diary masks here. By the power of Google!!!!

Falling, or the sensation of, as described in Inception (which I finally watched and now hear booming cello's of doom wherever I go. Thanks Zimmer. I needed that.) gives us a kick that's sufficient enough to wake anyone up from whatever stupor we're in.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't asleep when I tumbled down the stairs at work almost 2 months ago and twisted my left ankle; no slow motion flashbacks either. Just a whole lot of inconvenient pain and suffering.

I've never actually hurt myself much before other than the odd scrape or two as a not-so-adventurous toddler and several deadly papercuts I received in the battlefield of work.

Hence my first official fall (physically I mean, not socially, mentally or career-wise) must be documented in excruciatingly boring detail and much unnecessary excitement!

Note: All falls are only deemed official if it is sufficient enough to cause pain higher than level 4.0 out of 10.0 and require medical attention. Any other fall is deemed to be a wimp-trip and only warrants a wimpy whimper and wallowing in self-pity for 10 minutes.

It would have been great if it were a dark and stormy night so my tale of woe and despair could have an ominous start, but as it were, it was a pretty bright sunny afternoon. Certainly not the the type made for falling on one's ass (now if it were for kicking ass.. ).

I was making important preparations to run out of the office and speed off to several important destinations for rather important meetings/errands. This included several trips to the bathroom and much fixing of my hair. I grabbed whatever was needed and dashed out in not-so-high wedges to traverse the 1 flight of stairs - a common journey I make everyday. I would say I could do it with my eyes closed, but after what happened, the only thing I'll be doing with my eyes closed involves a lot of constipation.

I should also mention that in my delicate arms that are not made for heavy lifting, I was carrying a massive handbag, several paperbags filled with fragile things like mugs and pens, a rolled-up bunting and some envelopes.

Oh, and a 6-foot long mock cheque. Most people would think that the universe was out to get them, but I remain an optimist.

Things were going pretty well as I managed to get halfway down the stairs. "Goodness me," I thought to myself. "I might be able to make it all the way down afterall!"

I could make a living selling famous last words.

I was so close to the end. Like an Olympic sprinter tripping over an opponent's strategically placed foot right at the end of the finishing line, my feet decided to forego all sense of logic and skip 4 steps towards the bottom. Hooray for improvisation, Jen's Limbs. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

By the power of physics (and Grayskull!!!), I fell forward, but landed butt first on the bottom step.

My left ankle was saying "Sharp pain. Sharp pain. Sharp pain," over and over again, so I sat down and did a headcount of anything that might be broken (in particular order): mock cheque, glass mugs, bunting, left ankle, common sense.

Nothing was broken! I would have jumped up and whooped with joy if it werent for that sharp throbbing pain somewhere down below.

As it were, I did manage to get up after a few minutes and went through the day in full Super Hero Mode which involved driving a very manual car, carrying stacks of magazines, attending a photoshoot of sorts and plenty of general walking around.

My ankle felt great!!! Not.

I limped about for a week, and then the pain went away and developed into a lingering sore at the ankle joint. After a month, I could pretty much walk/run around as usual, but my ankle started to feel a little stiff. Cause for worry? But I'm a Super Hero! Our kind don't worry.

Ok fine, so I did worry abit when I realised I still wasn't able to stretch my foot out properly or twist and turn it around like the other ankle could. My left ankle was starting to feel a little bit left out.

So I did what any logical thinking person would do - I decided to ignore it because in my world, all aches and pains go away if you close your eyes and click your heels together three times.

After almost 2 months, several nights that ended prematurely as I limped back to the car in high heels and tripping down some stairs again, I finally decided to have it looked at.

Now I'm a fan of modern medicine, sterile needles, the occasional pill and IV drips, but for something as small as this, everyone told me to go see someone who'd get the job done right without any hassle - a Chinese traditional medicine sensei/tit tar (is that how you spell it? ).

After getting some info from a very reliable source (read: Twitter), I was pointed in the direction of "Oriental Sports Therapy" in Seapark, PJ. It seemed like a pretty popular joint, so I figured what the heck.

First impressions were impressive. Well-lit, air-conditioned, no dodgy seating and the latest A-Team movie being screened in the waiting area - I like what I see. BUT, will it pass the Jen-Test? I was about to find out.

I pushed open the heavy glass doors and walked right to the registration counter (effectively getting in everyone's way of the awesome 3-D scene in A-Team), where I was given a yellow card with a sketch of the human anatomy and a form to fill up.

The nurse (or was she?) marked a huge "X" on the left ankle of the human diagram on the yellow card and told me to take a seat. An "X". Why an "X"?? Isnt that a bad thing? It's usually what they use to indicate where/what needs to be chopped off right?

My name was called. My time had come. My moment was here. My my.

I went into a room, but it wasnt quite a room. A portion of the room was cordoned off by a yellow curtain (I'm assuming there's a bed on the other side of it. Or dead bodies. I'll never know.) and on one side, several chairs and leg rests. Looks pretty clean and decent. I'd have whipped out a UV light to search for old blood stains, but I didnt want to give them more reasons to put me under.

I sat on one of the chairs and a guy came up to me and motioned for me to put my foot on his lap. How forward, kind sir! But I suppose he ought to know what he was doing, so I did.

Then the heavens opened and all was right with the world again - he spoke good English. Score!!! I cant tell you how relieved I was when I told him about my ankle in English and he responded the same!! I was insanely terrified that there would be some miscommunication between us and it would end up with him trying to fix my spleen instead of my ankle. Thankfully, no worries there!

He massaged my ankle abit, tugged at the toes and cracked them about, then proceeded to twist and turn my ankle around at the joint; at this point, I really hoped he knew what he was doing. He then went on to give my ankle an almighty jerk that cracked the joint and almost clean pulled me out of the chair I was sitting in.

After giving me a short lecture on how things could have been worse with my ankle, he went to the back of the room and returned with a bandage filled with some foul-smelling herby paste. He slapped it onto my ankle (it was steaming hot) and bandaged it all up. I was good to go!


I unwrapped the bandage around my ankle this morning and washed off the herb-y goo before leaving for work. I dont know if it's a placebo effect or not, but my ankle actually feels more flexible now than it was before. I made an appointment again for this Thursday so if my foot hasn't transformed into a man-eating plant, it should be alright.

There's a lingering herb-y smell about me right now (which is quite comforting omg what is wrong with me), so if you're planning to spring a surprise on me anytime soon, I'd recommend against it.

Oriental Sports Therapy
26 & 28 Jln 21/11B Seapark
46300, Petaling Jaya
(They close at 8.30pm on weekdays s'all I can remember)

P.S. I forgot to get the name of the guy who fixed my ankle. He wears glasses, if that narrows it down.

P.P.S. I might also name this post "Blog Vengeance".

There are different things for different people that have a profound effect on the way they behave in public.

While things that begin with "i" can make the masses dissolve into a fit of mindless droids and drive people to stand in line for hours *coughs*, for me, it's the people I'm with. Or more specifically, friends.

I've had different friends for different periods of my life. Let's ignore the kindergarten ones eh? At that point in time, all I cared about was not wetting myself by the time I reach the toilet. Am also ignoring my primary school friends because they were all kinda weird now that I think about it. I'm glad I made it out alive.

I always thought I'd grown up, gained a better grasp on things and had more control over my behaviour. Which is pretty much true like when I tell myself to sit, I do. I also dont wet myself anymore on the way to the toilet, which is an achievement that I am quite proud of.

But when I'm with different groups of friends, it all dissolves in a matter of seconds. I get all haughty and condescending with my secondary school friends because I was abit of a snotty know-it-all back then. We deliver low blows to one another and squeal a lot for some unknown reason.

With my close college mates who were mostly guys, my volume gets 10 times louder, I guffaw in laughter and I say "Dude!" and "Seriously?" and "No way!" a little more often than legally necessary.

On rare occasion, some friends have been known to trigger an accent. An accent?!! What am I?? The Queen??

Anyway, I was just thinking about how a simple thing like a change in company can revert us back to old habits.

I bumped into an old friend whom I was pretty close to during my college days (but we didnt go to the same college) and we had a whole gang that used to hang out more often than was healthy. I was all ready to put on a 22-year old grown up swagger and talk about grown up things like work, the weather, insurance and fibre.

Much to my everlasting disgust, I broke down into a constant fit of giggles throughout our entire conversation. I wanted to slap myself and command my brain to stop giggling, but my hands were preoccupied with clamping over my mouth in a vain attempt to stifle an entire giggle parade.

They were a pretty funny bunch that had me in stitches and left me with a sore stomach everytime I hung out with them. They could have thrown a brick at my head and I would have giggled on the way to the hospital with a concussion.

Oh friends, look what you've done.

Now I'm all for freedom of speech. Everyone has something to say, whether it's music to your ears, or a piercing din in your sheltered mind. Women however, have been having problems with freedom of speech ever since the notion of speaking out loud was thought of to be a great idea - just not for everyone.

So if you're keen to hear and watch some short films about real-life Malaysian women who have voiced out their own personal stories to share, follow the HerStory Films project!

It's a non-profit video storytelling and short film project that puts the real-life stories of 5 Malaysian women on a pedestal for your enlightenment. The cool part? These 5 short films will be directed by 5 well-known local directors namely, Bernice Chauly, Mislina Mustaffa, Crystal Woo, Mien.Ly and Sharifah Amani in her directorial debut.

The 5 stories chosen to be made into short movies are:

• Red Hibiscus by Susan Bansin (directed by Sharifah Amani)
  
• Still by Julya Oui (directed by Mislina Mustafa)
  
• Liebelied (Love Song), by Nadira Ilana (directed by Bernice Chauly)
  
• Spirited Desire by A. A. Lee (directed by Crystal Woo)
  
• Sex, drugs and love written by Ruby from Pink Triangle (directed by Mien.ly)

It's a pretty powerful initiative, so if you think it's right up your alley, check out HerStory Films project to find out more about where these short films will be screened.

This is major and I dont know if I should be incredibly proud of myself, or disgusted and just ask everyone I meet to slap me!!

I bought MAC :D *nose bleed*

No, not that MAC. The other one.

Not just one. Nope, not content with dropping (what is) a whole bomb of money on just 1 product, I had to go and get 2!!

Now I've been a firm advocate of good and cheap cosmetics, but sometimes, it's hard to ignore the hype and reputation of a brand like MAC. For the past few months or so, I've been preparing myself to try and buy something from MAC for myself. My first official MAC product was a few months ago when my mum bought me the Shell Pearl Beauty Powder from the MAC Give Me Liberty of London collection (which I love and adore and have been using at every possible opportunity).

One of MAC's most interesting products are their Mineralized Skinfinishes (MSF). I read up a lot about them over the past few months and from what I understood, these babies can be used as a blush, bronzer or highlighter depending on the shade and your skin tone.

So when I found out that MAC would be launching a new collection soon with some Mineralized Skinfinishes that were a must-have, I've been following it's progress very closely until the long-awaited moment it lands in Malaysia.

That moment, was last Friday.

I had a fairly intense conversation with a MAC sales assistant over the phone like so:

"Hi, I'm calling to find out when will the latest MAC collection be in the stores? The In the Groove collection?"
"Oh, that one? We just received the products today and we're unpacking it in the store right now."
"HOMAIGOD."

The latest collection from MAC is called "In the Groove" and it only just recently launched in USA in the first week of July. I assumed that it would reach KL sometime in late July or early August, so thank goodness I decided to call and find out!


There was only 1 thing I really wanted to get from "In the Groove" that made me do something as desperate as call the shop - the Mineralized Skinfinish in Stereo Rose *haaaahhhhhh godly sound*.

When I first started reading up on what Mineralized Skinfinishes were about, Stereo Rose kept popping up everywhere. It was a revered name, mentioned only in hushed whispers and with much looking over shoulders. If I didnt know any better, it sounded like a legend MAC made up. It came out in some collection back in 2005 (limited edition) and it's been on everyone's must-have list since then! Apparently, it's extremely hard to find and going for exorbitant prices on e-bay, until it's been repromoted in this collection.

So of course, for my first step into the world of MAC Mineralized Skinfinishes, I just had to get the one that everyone else wants :P

But then... I checked out "In the Groove" for myself last Friday (I made David run to MAC in Suria KLCC to grab Stereo Rose before anyone else can hahahhah), and with one swipe on my pale, lifeless and hitherto fugly cheeks, I caved and bought another Mineralized Skinfinish. Crazy or not, you tell me.

Behold, the popping of another cherry!


I quite literally squealed when I saw these in person. They're just so pretty to look at!!


Petticoat is described as a "pale rose with gold and amber veining". I'm not too sure about the "pale rose" bit. Mine looks more pale berry-ish pink to me. But then again, all Mineralized Skinfinishes will look slightly different because each on is pretty unique. Mine doesnt have a lot of the gold and amber veining, so it isnt too glittery (which is good).



Isnt it beeyooteefool?? :D

Swatched on my (slightly tan) skin, it's a nice pink blush that looks quite natural with golden pink shimmers. I am pleased.


On the MAC website, Stereo Rose is described as "coral with golden/bronze shimmering nuances". Okay. Whatever they say.

My version of Sterero Rose hardly has any of the golden glittery veining, but it is definitely a gorgeous shade of coral. I've been holding off getting a coral blush until I could get my hands on Stereo Rose. Looks like I wont be needing anything else after this.



Really glad I managed to get Stereo Rose! When used, it's a perfect peachy coral on my cheeks with a slight hint of bronzer. Light hands are a must with this. I turned out Oompa Loompa orange on my first try.


I know a review needs swatches on skin, but I didnt have time to do it just yet. Will try soon :P

I highly doubt I'll be getting the other 2 Mineralize Skinfinishes in this collection. Comfort is a little too brown for my liking and I already have one or two bronzers that should suffice. By Candlelight is too light and I'll probably only be able to use it as a highlighter; something which I already have a few of too.

How crazy are people going over MAC's In the Groove collection, specifically the Mineralized Skinfinish? The day it was launched in the US, Stereo Rose was sold out online almost immediately. And now, Petticoat too. At Pavilion last Friday night (the day it launched in KL), one of the Mineralized Eyeshadow Trios was sold out. Insane!

To be honest, I was planning to get only Stereo Rose and perhaps one of the Mineralized Blush Duos, but the colours for those were either too similar to something I had, or not quite right for me. But then again.. Happy Together is starting to look nicer the more I look at it.. *slaps self*

MAC In the Groove collection is now available at all MAC counters. The Mineralized Skinfinish is RM115 a pop.

The minute I watched the trailer for "Despicable Me" a few weeks ago, I just knew I had to catch it!!

And thanks to UIP and Kel Li, I did! In advance! Like I'm someone special in this dark, harsh world!


It has become increasingly difficult to not say "Despicable Me" in an annoyingly high-pitched voice and pulling the word "Meeeeeeeee" to lengths that are deemed irritating by the natural world. It's just such an adorable movie!!


Meet Gru (Steve Carell). He's an evil villain. The most villanous of villains ever. Look at that bald head. That witchy hooked nose. Those dark eye circles. He does mean things like cut queues, freeze people, steal statues and national monuments (of questionable scales) and has the parking skills of Mr. Bean.

Together with his fellow evil/mad/slightly senile scientist accomplice, Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand), they make one awesome evil tag-team.


Gru is also father-figure and boss to the Minions. They love him like a fat kid loves cake and they're as adorable as hell. I want one. Real bad.

Gru has a plan. A plan so evil and brilliant, it'll cement him as the most evil villain of all time!! The only problem? An orange-clad fellow villain named Vector (Jason Segel).


Enter the presence of 3 orphans into Gru's otherwise perfectly villainous life - Edith, Margo and Agnes aka Complete And Utter Chaos.


It's a feel-good family movie with awesome colours, cute jokes, great characters and oozes adorable things out of every pore!!


The movie serves its purpose of giving us a good laugh and making us hope that all evil people in the world have a soft side that can be coaxed out with some funfair games and face-painting.


After the movie, we got to meet some Minions!!!! (pic stolen from Kel Li)

If you wanna meet them too, check out this schedule and make your way there! Cedric almost suffocated one when he leaped forward and gave it a bear hug! :P

Be there!!

"Despicable Me" opens nationwide on 8th July.

• 
  Hsu Jen
  jen2wyvern@hotmail.com
  
• @serpentinegal

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